Secret Nr. 11: I am incredibly good at cutting out the feeling that I have for a person. It prevents me from getting hurt.

I am so detached from my emotion that it terrifies me.
My Mom just told me that my grandma has thyroid cancer and I don't feel shit.
I cry, but there is no pain inside off me, no tightening stomach, nothing.
It's as if I am watching a lousy movie. I get what's happening, I understand that my granny will probably die, but it does not affect me in any way.
I cannot even get myself to visit her. I do not want to deal with this right now, it's too much.
Sadly the cancer doesn't really give a damn about whether I have the strength for it or not.